Cat's New Years Resolutions

My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.
Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.
The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

From a Kitty Owner...

I love my little kitty, she makes my house a home.

She always is my best friend, I never feel alone.

She makes me smile, she makes me laugh,

and fills my heart with love ...

Did some breeder breed her,

or did she fall down from above?

I've never been a breeder or seen life through their eyes,

as I hold my little kitty, I could never criticize.

I've never known their anguish, I never felt their pain,

nor in the night while to the vet, through snow or wind or rain.

(to all breeders) ...

Should you do that instead of this ... Or this instead of that,

alone you fight, and hope one day, he'll grow to be a cat.

And bring joy to another being, and make a house a home,

You know it's all just up to you, you'll fight this fight alone.

Formula, bottles, heating pads, you've got to get this right,

Two hourly feeds for this tiny guy, throughout the day and night.

In your heart you know, you're almost sure to lose the fight,

to save this little baby, but God willing ... you just MIGHT.

Day one he's in there fighting, you say a silent prayer,

Day two & three, he's doing well, with lots of love and care.

Day four and five ... he's still alive, your hopes soar to the heavens,

Day six he slips away again. Dies in your hands, day seven.

You take this little angel, and bury him alone.

With aching heart and burning tears, with an exhausted groan,

You ask yourself "Why do this? ... Why suffer all this pain?"

But see the joy your kittens bring ... it will really self explain.

So, when you think of breeders and label them with "greed,"

Think abut what they endure to fill another's need.

When you buy a kitten and with your precious dollars part,

You only pay with money ... We pay with all our heart!